The Corbin Falls Gazette

Corbin Falls The Gazette

Published daily · Corbin Falls

Today's issue

Neckass has been "five minutes away" since 2019. He is at home.

CORBIN FALLS — He has said "five minutes" to eleven people this year. He has not left the house for any of them.

By the wire desk

In brief

  • Neckass says he read the room. Everyone in the room says he did not.
  • Neckass has scheduled a two-minute task four times and done it zero times
  • Neckass said he would circle back. That was in March.
  • Neckass's standing desk has been used for standing, not working, since it arrived
  • Neckass said "keep the change." There was no change.
  • Neckass's houseplant has outlived three of his hobbies
  • Neckass has responded "maybe" to his own birthday

Notices

  • Town council meets Tuesday at 7 p.m. in the council chamber. The agenda is posted at the town office.
  • The Mill Street bridge is reduced to one lane through the end of the month.
  • Recycling collection moves to Thursday this week because of the holiday.

Corrections

  • A caption in Monday's edition misidentified the street shown. It is Mill Street, not Mill Road.
  • An earlier edition called Neckass's plan a plan. It is three words on a page. The Gazette regrets the error.
  • The Gazette stated that Neckass had finished. He had stopped.
  • We described Neckass's apology as an apology. It was the sentence "well, sorry you feel that way."

Weather

High 68°, low 51°. Winds W 6 mph. Sunset 7:10 p.m.

Sunny, according to Neckass, who has not been outside and is going by the window.

Classifieds

  • FOUND: set of keys, outside the gym. Owner has never been inside.
  • FOR SALE: bicycle, never ridden. Has lived in a hallway since 2022.
  • WANTED: someone who can end a conversation with Neckass. Nobody has yet.
  • PERSONAL: to the man who was five minutes away — we have gone home.
  • WANTED: someone to smell some leftovers. They are nine days old. Urgent.

Letters

  • Sir — I am in IT. The printer is out of paper. That is all that is wrong with it. That is all that has ever been wrong with it.

    — IT

  • Sir — Your item said Tuesday. It was Wednesday. Neckass told you Tuesday because he did not know what day it was.

    — A reader who was present

Editor-in-chief: vacant. Wire desk: unattended. Corrections: ongoing.

The Gazette is published daily in Corbin Falls. Letters may be edited for length and clarity. Corrections appear on this page.

Back issues are available. The term itself is covered in the entry.

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